schmevil: (she-hulk (smash?))
schmevil ([personal profile] schmevil) wrote2011-09-29 08:43 pm

let's like, co-create this here shit

Couple things:

1) Damn, I am the actual worst. I have an absurd backlog of comments to get through, I am aware. I haven't been responding to comments in a timely manner, largely because I've been afk for months, and responding from my phone was complicated by my... forgetting my LJ/DW passwords. Basically what I'm saying is that I'm lazy.

2) Guys. Teen Wolf. Guys. (No, really).



It's actually kind of hilarious and gory. If only the lead weren't so dull.

3) True Blood finale. Whaaaat was that. What. It's like they took all my hopes, dreams and fears for the finale, did them up like Shake&Bake, and called it an episode.

4) Finally, this. Started this ages ago, never finished it. I can't decide between porn or lulz. You tell me.

Avengers movieverse, Steve/Tony, Tony feeds Steve chocolate

Tony keeps Steve in D Bars. He's got a guy at Hershey, thanks to a particularly special post-conference party. Three days. He's not talking because you don't, but three days. Parties like that are great for padding out your black book. Tony calls up Dave and asks him for a big box of D Bars, and they're on his desk in the morning, express from Pennsylvania.

D Bars are high calorie ration bars; like chocolate protein bars, but darker and less pretentious. For a ration bar, they're goddamn delicious, but for candy they're strictly sub-par. They melt too slow, they're dark without the richness of even a cocoa-heavy supermarket brand, and the only coffee you'd pair it with is institutional, instant swill. With SHIELD's budget, you'd think they could do better than Nabob.

Tony hands over the box with strict instructions for Steve to eat as many as he wants--there's more where that came from--and calls it mission accomplished, until he sees Steve pass up Godiva. And that is not on. Hell, Tony's had better. Godiva isn't the be all and end all of mid range truffles, but for damn sure it's better than shrink wrapped, ration bar nostalgia.

He plans it out as thoroughly as he does anything, which is to say that he gets Pepper to acquire a broad selection of the world's finest ("You do remember that I'm no longer your secretary, yes?" "Sure, but you're still my friend and friends do things for each other." "You can buy your own damn candy, Tony." "Can I really?" he'd said, threat barely veiled. Pepper sighed. "Fine, but you owe me." "Always and forever." "Shall I hate you." "Oh, I know."), and corners Steve post-workout at HQ.

"Here's the thing, kid."

Steve stops, water bottle halfway to his mouth, and gives him a look. It says "yeah right," and also, "you're adorable," because while Tony is no Steve Rogers, he's got the market cornered on lovably dysfunctional billionaire--fact. Tony exploits the moment of distraction to swipe the water bottle, and toss it aside.

"The thing," Steve says flatly, but he's already got the beginnings of a smile tugging at his lips.

Tony sets down an insulated bag between them and straddles the bench. Steve watches him closely, grin getting bigger by degrees as Tony pulls out: two unlabeled glass bottles of water, a large thermos of coffee, two mugs and a plain black box. The bag joins Steve's bottle, in the recesses of the SHIELD gym.

"The D Bars. I'm happy to procure them for you because you've, you know, punched Hitler, and traveled through space and time." He twists open the thermos, pours the coffee, and hands a mug--black--to Steve. Tony nods at him to take a sip. "And everyone deserves the comforts of home, be that a home cooked meal, or in your case, ration bars."

Steve hums appreciatively.

"Kona. Learn it, live it, love it."

Steve takes another sip, even more appreciative, and starts eyeing the box lustily. My boy, Tony thinks.

"You do know I never punched Hitler."

Tony waves his his mug, in disagreement. Only years of practice keep the coffee from spilling over. "Metaphorically--strategically--speaking. You've done great things for this country and now," he sets down his mug, "I'm going to do great things for you."

"Metaphorically--strategically--speaking?" Steve repeats, under his breath, expression midway between amused and skittish, with a side of delighted that Tony thinks is, you know, maybe a little intriguing.

Tony slides the catches, and flips the lid of the box back with a flourish. Maybe he should have hired a troupe of showgirls for this presentation of twenty-first century sublimity, but the boldly decorated truffles, resting on beds of bright red and gold paper--they'll have to do.

Steve's nostrils flare and his eyes narrow, just slightly. Tony can't blame him, because Pepper's outdone herself--the heavy-sweet smell of caramel and rich chocolate already has his mouth watering, and that's with an ordinary (if adorable nose), operating at nowhere near the peak of human potential.

"Try one."


TBC, I guess

Here's the deal, I'm going to write the ending of your choice. Although, you know, probably not in a timely manner. (This here, is exactly how seriously I take my art). Your options are:

1) Steve likes his chocolate so much that he wrestles Tony to the floor and thanks him.
2) Romcom hijinks resulting in a sexual frustration and pratfalls.
3) Dinosaurs.
bethany_lauren: (bovina sancta!)

Here via Network

[personal profile] bethany_lauren 2011-09-30 03:07 am (UTC)(link)
DINOSAURS
outlawpoet: (Default)

Re: Here via Network

[personal profile] outlawpoet 2011-09-30 03:48 am (UTC)(link)
seconded. sexy hijinks in the Savage Land a bonus. Maybe wave to Charles and Eric in the next tree?
bethany_lauren: (Default)

Re: Here via Network

[personal profile] bethany_lauren 2011-09-30 01:29 pm (UTC)(link)
Oooh. This.

:-D
elspethdixon: (GoneWithTheWind)

Re: Here via Network

[personal profile] elspethdixon 2011-10-01 02:04 am (UTC)(link)
I third the vote for dinosaurs. Can the Falcon come with them to the Savage Land and discover an unexpected ability to talk to therapods?

"Look! The deinonychus is obeying Sam's commands!" *meanwhile, Steve and Tony make out in the background*

Deinonychus: *kills Nazi zombies with its feet*
Redwing: *sulks*
Steve: *punches zombie Nazi in the face while exchanging flirtatious banter with Tony*
Then they are stranded in the Savage Land overnight with nothing to eat but the offerings of freshly killed prey Sam's new best friends keep bringing him and Steve's D-ration bars. Tony reluctantly admits that they actually are pretty good when you're hungry and the alternative is raw reptile meat.