LoTR bunny...

[schmevil]

So I've been thinking of writing LoTR fic. Details behind the cut tag.

Me: Did you see taricorim called you Sauron?
faith_accompli: No, I didn't see. *sniff*
Me: She thinks I'm somewhere between orc and man.
Faith: *snigger*
Faith: I am the Ultimate Evil.
Me: She doesn't believe I'm actually evil enough to be an orc.
Me: You are. *g*
Faith: She doesn't know you well enough.
Me: I guess that would make adolfa Saruman.
Faith: I think you could at least be Uruk-hai.
Me: *shrugs*
Faith: She's blonde enough for it. *evil smirk*
Faith: ...well, I always liked the Uruk-hai. Thought that more of them were cool than weren't, so.
Me: I wouldn't mind being a Ranger. I'd just hide off in the woods smoking pipe-weed and killing random things.
Faith: *snicker*
Faith: So you wouldn't be Aragornesque in your Rangerness?
Faith: No shagging vapid elf bitches.
Me: Hell no!
Me: I planned it all out years ago.
Faith: Good.
Me: See, I'd tell everyone I was a man and I'd have a string of wenches in every town to vouch for me. They'd darn my socks when I visited and I'd make them Very Happy. Most of the time I'd just wander around getting into fights in small pubs and sleeping a lot.
Me: Once in a while I'd head up to Rivendell and steal some light reading.
Faith: *snigger!*
Me: A nice life, on the whole. ;-)
Faith: Sounds not bad at all.
Me: And if I was going to shag an elf, it'd be a male elf. The only female worth anything is Galadriel and frankly, she scares me, what with the "All shall love me and despair." Uh, right. I'll just be... over there... somewhere.
Faith: Far away.
Faith: Where it's safe.
Me: Yes. Away from all that craziness about rings and doom.
Me: Oh, you know what would be fun?
Me: Kicking hobbits.
Faith: "Right...rings? Doom? Ooh, booze and weed. Later, shitheads."
Faith: *snigger*
Faith: Yes.
Me: And then running. Or rather, walking quickly while they struggle to catch up.
Faith: Toddling after you as quick as their stumpy legs can take 'em.
Me: I'm laughing already.
Me: Hmm. I wonder if men ever went wenching with hobbits. It's like the midget porn of Middle Earth.
Faith: *snigger* Kinda...ew...
Me: And for that matter, couldn't you just see men keeping hobbits as wrestlers? In wee kennels?
Me: Occasionally they'd be thrown a bone to gnaw on... they'd complaining about missing elevensies.
Faith: *giggle*
Faith: Are you gonna start writing LoTRfic? ;)
Me: Ba! I'd been flamed to the ends of the net.
Me: I should do it. *g*
Faith: Exactly.
Me: Evil Hobbit Wrestling.
Me: And my avatar: Blackfall the Lazy Ranger.
Me: *nods*

Sure it's quite a bit different from Harry Potter and Smallville, but I'm nothing if not adaptable.