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O.o
[Let me just preface this entry with: yes I'm a paranoid, freaksome tool]
I don't really read any journals that aren't on my friends list. I'm lazy that way. If someone points out a particularly interesting discussion and actually links me to it, then I'll read it. I might even post if it's interesting enough. As a rule I don't read the journals of people I dislike or that I'm indifferent about - I really can't bring myself to care about what they're nattering about. On very rare occasions I might be found perusing friends' friends lists, but only if I'm desperately bored.
If someone adds me to their friends list, I'll often add them in return, but only after I have some idea what they're about - if we have friends in common, I'm likely to add the person quicker. I want to watch my watchers, you see, and my aforementioned laziness prevents me from doing so in any other way. I don't like the idea of people reading my journal and never having contact with me. It seems a bit ridiculous really - if you want to read my journal, just add it to your friends list and make it easier on yourself. There are only two reasons that I can think of, for not adding a journal you read regularly to your list. 1) You don't want to clutter up your friends list. I think this is a bit of a flimsy excuse but I'll accept it. 2) You want to hide.
And see, I have reason to be paranoid about people sharing information, so the reading and not adding? Bothers me. There's something faintly creepy about people reading my moronic babblings and not once responding to them. I try to make my journal as open a forum as possible and will never delete comments or close/delete threads. I've had to disable anonymous posting for security reasons but otherwise I think I'm welcoming to new acquaintances.
I know that lj filters and friends lists are porous. We all know this. People talk about private entries with their other friends, often sparking off fandom kerfluffles.
It makes one think, what these people trying to hide from me, or you?
I realize that the above makes little sense. I'm more reacting than considering in this post, so I'd appreciate your thoughts on the subject, to help me clarify my own.
I don't really read any journals that aren't on my friends list. I'm lazy that way. If someone points out a particularly interesting discussion and actually links me to it, then I'll read it. I might even post if it's interesting enough. As a rule I don't read the journals of people I dislike or that I'm indifferent about - I really can't bring myself to care about what they're nattering about. On very rare occasions I might be found perusing friends' friends lists, but only if I'm desperately bored.
If someone adds me to their friends list, I'll often add them in return, but only after I have some idea what they're about - if we have friends in common, I'm likely to add the person quicker. I want to watch my watchers, you see, and my aforementioned laziness prevents me from doing so in any other way. I don't like the idea of people reading my journal and never having contact with me. It seems a bit ridiculous really - if you want to read my journal, just add it to your friends list and make it easier on yourself. There are only two reasons that I can think of, for not adding a journal you read regularly to your list. 1) You don't want to clutter up your friends list. I think this is a bit of a flimsy excuse but I'll accept it. 2) You want to hide.
And see, I have reason to be paranoid about people sharing information, so the reading and not adding? Bothers me. There's something faintly creepy about people reading my moronic babblings and not once responding to them. I try to make my journal as open a forum as possible and will never delete comments or close/delete threads. I've had to disable anonymous posting for security reasons but otherwise I think I'm welcoming to new acquaintances.
I know that lj filters and friends lists are porous. We all know this. People talk about private entries with their other friends, often sparking off fandom kerfluffles.
It makes one think, what these people trying to hide from me, or you?
I realize that the above makes little sense. I'm more reacting than considering in this post, so I'd appreciate your thoughts on the subject, to help me clarify my own.
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I have to admit, when I see someone interesting, I don't automatically add them to my friend's list. Simply because every morning I have to page through 3-4 pages as it is and I'm not sure my boss would appreciate it as it is. I check their journal whenever I see the icon in replies for a couple of weeks (I do reply though) and if they are interesting, I add them.
I get slightly paranoid when people I've never heard about add me to their friends list. *shrug* I can't stop wondering where they found me and why.
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So you just resolve to... see them when you see them, as it were?
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I'm... cautious. I usually exchange a reply or few before friending people. I do friend those who are interesting and don't chop my head off for interfering in their discussions. And don't eat me. *stares suspiciously*
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*stares*
*drools*
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*backs away more* Plus you know, Lex fans are all full of that future!evil bitterness that is really bad for indegestion. You don't want to eat a Lex fan. *runs*
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*chases*
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*points to the side* Look! Juicy HP fans!
*hides*
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*cackles*
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*sighs*
Wait a sec. I'm the Bondage Ladeee. I may not eat people but I don't carry this whip as a decoration. I'm evil too. Why am I running?
*stops running*
*turns around*
*takes off her long leather coat to reveal her BDSM gear*
Let's be logical about this. Eating me will be really bad for yout teeth. People have tried and failed before. All those chains and leather? Instant teeth breakage. Plus, there are so little of us true Lex fans out there. It seems most people prefer a softer version which I just. don't. see. We need to stick together. *offers a pretty tied-up virgin as a peace offering*
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I actually have asked for random frienders to introduce themselves but usually they'll defriend and run. Which, you know, just feeds the wacky paranoia. ;)
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I just friended two people from my new work, and boy, are they gonna see the true freakiness of me.
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Stopping now, before I go off in a paranoid rage. ;)
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Actually, quite a few of the people on my friends list are APR members...hmm...We must be conspiring over something...
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I think I want to look more closely at how people (in general) decide who to friend. Is it random? Based on status? Actual interest? Perhaps a survey...
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I'm convinced that some people out there are doing just that...
On the eating. Well, Cedar mentioned that someone had posted something to that effect in their journal but neither of us have been able to track down the post. Apparently the person liked to watch me eat people at FAP. O.o
I have few friends...
Of course, if they don't get back to me in a week, I friend them anyway.
I figure some will scan my LJ, but are unlikely to come back unless I'm on their friends list.
~Icarus
Re: I have few friends...
I also like to wait for other people to friend me first. Sometimes I'll someone but I like to introduce myself, or at least be on something like speaking terms. In the past, I friended people on whims, but I've grown far more reticent about the process.
Do you often read past your friends list?
Re: I have few friends...
I'm curious what brought this up -?
~Icarus
Re: I have few friends...
I'm both generally and emotionally interested now. I'm trying to see if there's a broad consensus among my friends, on certain behaviours (and the related ethical issues).
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On the other hand, if I've lurked around someone's journal for a while and found him/her interesting, I'll probably comment on a post or two and see what happens. If I get friended, I'll refriend. I'm not too worried about security, but then no one in my RL knows my online name except my husband - I completely understand why you'd be cautious, having had a disturbing crossover between the two universes.
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The first time--and there is always a first time--something freaky happens to me around here, I'll go "friends-only" in a snap.
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I gather you've run into a freakystalker type, so I can understand where the paranoia comes from. But in my observation the friending/unfriending/lurking/reading/commenting process on LJ is "strongly multivariable". A lot of people control the size of their friends list by having a relatively small group of designated "friends", and then surfing friendsfriends for much of their reading and commenting.
"Not wanting to clutter up their friends list" may seem like a flimsy excuse at first -- but look at my friends list, say. 222 people=I'm on *crack*. I have filtered sub-lists I look at much of the time, but if I wasn't a free user I'd do the friendsfriends thing more often.
There's something faintly creepy about people reading my moronic babblings and not once responding to them.
My gut reaction is that's just a lurker. A lot of people are very shy, and may want to read what you have to say but are scared of you reading what *they* have to say lest you sneer at them, which of course you wouldn't do, but they're paranoid, OK? Or they may not want to feel as though they're putting you under an obligation to read their LJ when it's just mis-spelled whining about their cat's hairballs.
The rule of thumb on Usenet and most mailing lists is, *most people lurk*. Unless you friends-lock your LJ, you should assume that you are in public and that *at least* twice as many people are reading as are visible to you. Some are shy, some are busy, some are just surfing from link to link, some have difficulty writing. Yes, some are creepy weirdos, but IMO they are greatly in the minority.
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Oh I agree that it's mostly paranoia. I spent a lot of time as a lurker in my early days in fandom (years and years ago) and I understand the motivation there, but it's the ones who choose to lurk only in this specific situation that were concerning me. The paranoia really kicks in with the people who are very active in fandom otherwise and even have a lj of their own but refrain from friending and commenting in certain journals.
I'm going to drive myself mad. *g*
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Only WiPs, nothing has been published or presented yet. I know that only a small proportion of the people who have "friended" me comment on my LJ.
people who are very active in fandom otherwise and even have a lj of their own but refrain from friending and commenting in certain journals.
You *will* go nuts if you think about this too much. It might mean something, but it might not -- and if it does mean something, you don't know what it means. If it really bothers you, friends-lock is the way to go.
It's true, though, that LJ has many of the trappings of a "private space" -- such as the word "friends" -- while being by default as much of a public space as any other part of the internet. And that makes it hard to figure out how to behave.
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Now. *g*
Have you seen the Gin 'n' Tonic lately? Sad.
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Well. Yes. *smirk*
Have you seen the Gin 'n' Tonic lately? Sad.
I have not. There's the principle involved - we vowed to never return and we shan't - and there's the rage it inspires in me. I can't afford to add that to the rest of my fandom rage. Forget a closed thread, I think I'd get banned from FAP in under 10 minutes if I was to return. ;)
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FA should have a standard for its forums. But no, that'd be too restricting and selective, wouldn't it.
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I'm curious about the friending things, too, so this is probably the perfect thread to introduce myself in. I followed a link to your old lj from snitchfiction after reading and liking 'Scrabble', and noticed that you were on other people's friends lists as well.
I still feel pretty new to livejournal and haven't friended many people as I feel that I should ask first, or be friended first by someone whose journal I post at, and I assumed that this was a common practice.
Being cautious about who may read your journal isn't toooo paranoid, though: some people give out way too much information about themselves online, as they seem to forget that people have memories or might not be so pleasant offline. Which is totally tragic, but needs to be taken into account.
brodie