but 'allies' don't get called on their screw ups

[schmevil]

So I hear this one a lot. And sorry, the idea that allies don't get called on their screw ups is ridiculous. I've been issued so very many privilege checks over the years that I can't remember all of them. Here's a recent example, if you're looking. I made a joking post about places where hateful humour can still safely find refuge (ie. what you can still get away with joking about) but my wording was utter fail, and I got called on that.* And that's as it should be. I don't know any sincere allies who think they're unimpeachable moral arbiters. I may not intend to hurt people, but when I do, I deserve to get called on it. I may not intend to do or say something racist, misogynistic, ableist, or transphobic, but when I do? I should be called on it. Nobody gets a free pass, and no one will ever have done enough to be 'above suspicion'.


* I also got called on using the term 'fucktard'. There's a subthread that goes into the whys of that exchange, but suffice it to say that it's part of an ongoing conversation about those kinds of words, and the hows, whys and whens of their social acceptability. Used context-free as it was in the linked post though, it was indeed offensive, and I apologize.

(And er, apologies to anyone posting in that thread, who wondered why it disappeared for a day. idek what happened there but I've fixed all the security settings on my entries. I think).

Comments

[torachan]

Yeah, the whole "they're too X to really be trans, so I'll disrespect their stated identity" and "ew, furries! They're gross fetishists, so it's totally cool to bash them!" thing. >_<

[schmevil]

I didn't really know how to address the cosplay thread. I was trying to feel her out, and nudge her towards realizing that while no doubt, there are fake-every-identity in fandom, it's ridiculous (and horrible) to assume that others are... play-trans, for some mysterious reason. (I actually know a woman who pretended to be a trans man irl). People can express their identity however they like, and it's not for you to decide that they aren't doing it right.

Sometimes I just don't know how to handle all the stuff that comes out in these discussions, and I'm left flailing silently. I need better tactics.

"ew, furries! They're gross fetishists, so it's totally cool to bash them!" thing. >_<

Yeah, that was very... special.

[penguinparity]

(This is tanzy from LJ, btw). Re: The Poster of the Cosplay thread. She's always been a bit.... unsympathetic to questions and issues of identity politics when it comes to cosplaying. I hesitate to say it's transphobia, but if I'm being completely honest with myself it might be and I'm just hesitant to say it because I've been her friend half my life and we were best friends in high school and part of college. :/

I remember in particular an incident about 6 or 7 years ago when a male cosplayer got kicked out of a fairly large convention for crossplaying (cosplaying and cross dressing) as a scantily clad Fay from Cowboy Bebop. Part of the so called 'problem' was that unlike other crossplayers, he didn't shave (and was pretty hairy). Thus he did not fit the effiminate model of the male crossplayer. There was a pretty large controversy over it and I think I remember her agreeing with people that claimed he was just using claims of homophobia and transphobia as way to get attention.

Speaking of tactics, I also really have no idea how to respond to the bottom thread on the LJ version of this entry. I don't really know what to say to "I feel like you're attacking me and making me feel like a bad person."