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5 Things I Hate About MPgreg / Constantine / gangster!Snapefic
1. Conception.
Typically conception occurs during anal sex and while I understand you might choose to take this route, I think it's a ridiculously weak and obvious choice. Your story is about a male carrying another male's child - you can do better than magick-sperm traveling up through the intestines into the insta-womb of gay love. Anal conception is hetero-normative in the sense that you're making the relationship function just like a heterosexual one. You're making the baby-carrier female, and even if you have them switch up, you're writing a male and a switch/dominant female.
Not to say that if a story with anal conception will have the baby-carrier take on feminine traits (though this is extremely likely to be the case), but even if the baby-carrier is the butchest bear to never shave his chest, he's taken on female biological functions to the extent they are natural. Normal. Oops-I-forgot-to-take-my-pill normal.
MPreg has to remain *un*natural, strange, accidental in a what-the-hell-is-god-on kind of way. That's what MPreg *is*. It's the wacky impact on homosexual relationship that makes it (theoretically) work.
2. Pornographic descriptions of the downsides of pregnancy.
Usually found in mediocre whinefests that were movies of the week in previous lives. Jebus fucking Christ kids, why in all the levels of hell would I want a detailed description of Methos' now-tiny bladder and the consequences therein? Let me assure you, there is absolutely no reason that I will be ever interested in hearing about Methos' bladder. Neither is MacLeod interested - even if he is the father, he isn't interested in his baby-mommy's urine.
Same goes for Methos' swollen feet, his headaches, or sore back. Frankly, no one cares and Writer? It's painfully obvious that you're looking for a sympathetic ear in the bloated final stages of your own pregnancy. It's sad that you look to MPreg fic to provide that ear.
3. Alternative childbirth/child rearing.
Dude. We talking about two dudes spawning. It's freaky enough for them that they won't be looking into *alternative* stuff. When god is on mescaline, you take whatever normality you can find.
4. The lack of pitchfork and torch wielding mobs.
I know if my neighbor announced that he'd been knocked up by his boyfriend I'd be looking at him a little funny. There's something more then a little hinky in a group of people that is startled but not absolutely freakin' gobsmacked by an MPreg. Why do they jump so quickly to welcoming the little bundle of joy into the family? Shouldn't they be worried about it being an alien, a demon or frogspawn? I know I'd guess frogspawn before MPreg.
5. 'Immaculate' conception.
I've asked people why they write MPreg and many say they feel that procreation is the ultimate expression of human love. Generally I reply, uh, hey, it's actually the ultimate expression of the human survival instinct, but I've never yet converted one. Why does this bug me? Couple of reasons.
a) Heteronormative attitude! If procreation is the ultimate expression of human love than no homosexual relationship can be equal to a heterosexual relationship - that's why the writer must resort to MPreg, to make it equal to HetPreg.
b) Babies =/= love. People love their babies but it's impossible to argue that babies *come from love*. Honestly, aren't we past the storks and hand holding explanation?
c) Coupled with the idea of sexual procreation being just the greatest thing since cell division is this sense that because MPreg is unnatural, it's special, and the issue is somehow unique, more valuable than that of a heterosexual relationship. GayBabies are better than HetBabies.
d) Sexism! Since women bare the lion's share of the procreative burden they are therefore more loving. The she-he of MPreg? Also more loving. Females =/= love!
e) Sexism! Ever notice that MPreg is often treated with so much reverence that it takes on a religious quality? I often get the sense that I'm reading about an immaculate conception - immaculate in that it involves no dirty womenz, just beautiful gay men.
Let me use this opportunity to describe what my ideal MPreg would entail. There are two possibilities.
1) Race of functional hermaphrodites who've interbred with us so much that it's become difficult to use secondary sexual characteristics in identification. "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in." "On what charge?" "Public indecency." "It's just a chest!" "Breasts, sir."
2) Act of a cruel deity, comedy, pathos and lessons of privledge ensue. All at once with absolutely no sentimentality, porn, sexism or porn in sight.
***
I saw Constantine tonight and stayed through the end credits as per your recommendation and I have a question: am I the only one who noticed that the freakin' fluffers got credits? I mean - seriously, what kind of movie credits the sandwich-bringing, cock-sucking assistants? Keanu Reeves' assistant.
Besides that - it was a very pretty movie. Very pretty. KR and RW would have very pretty children.
BTW, does anyone have a still of John holding Duck the cat? I would love an icon of that pic, so link me.
***
As no beta appears to be forthcoming on the Snapefic, I'll just ask some questions here and everywhere else I can think of.
1. What were the major criminal organizations in the UK in the 1970's?
2. What geographical region would you place Snape?
3. What's a good Brit equivalent for 'kid'?
Typically conception occurs during anal sex and while I understand you might choose to take this route, I think it's a ridiculously weak and obvious choice. Your story is about a male carrying another male's child - you can do better than magick-sperm traveling up through the intestines into the insta-womb of gay love. Anal conception is hetero-normative in the sense that you're making the relationship function just like a heterosexual one. You're making the baby-carrier female, and even if you have them switch up, you're writing a male and a switch/dominant female.
Not to say that if a story with anal conception will have the baby-carrier take on feminine traits (though this is extremely likely to be the case), but even if the baby-carrier is the butchest bear to never shave his chest, he's taken on female biological functions to the extent they are natural. Normal. Oops-I-forgot-to-take-my-pill normal.
MPreg has to remain *un*natural, strange, accidental in a what-the-hell-is-god-on kind of way. That's what MPreg *is*. It's the wacky impact on homosexual relationship that makes it (theoretically) work.
2. Pornographic descriptions of the downsides of pregnancy.
Usually found in mediocre whinefests that were movies of the week in previous lives. Jebus fucking Christ kids, why in all the levels of hell would I want a detailed description of Methos' now-tiny bladder and the consequences therein? Let me assure you, there is absolutely no reason that I will be ever interested in hearing about Methos' bladder. Neither is MacLeod interested - even if he is the father, he isn't interested in his baby-mommy's urine.
Same goes for Methos' swollen feet, his headaches, or sore back. Frankly, no one cares and Writer? It's painfully obvious that you're looking for a sympathetic ear in the bloated final stages of your own pregnancy. It's sad that you look to MPreg fic to provide that ear.
3. Alternative childbirth/child rearing.
Dude. We talking about two dudes spawning. It's freaky enough for them that they won't be looking into *alternative* stuff. When god is on mescaline, you take whatever normality you can find.
4. The lack of pitchfork and torch wielding mobs.
I know if my neighbor announced that he'd been knocked up by his boyfriend I'd be looking at him a little funny. There's something more then a little hinky in a group of people that is startled but not absolutely freakin' gobsmacked by an MPreg. Why do they jump so quickly to welcoming the little bundle of joy into the family? Shouldn't they be worried about it being an alien, a demon or frogspawn? I know I'd guess frogspawn before MPreg.
5. 'Immaculate' conception.
I've asked people why they write MPreg and many say they feel that procreation is the ultimate expression of human love. Generally I reply, uh, hey, it's actually the ultimate expression of the human survival instinct, but I've never yet converted one. Why does this bug me? Couple of reasons.
a) Heteronormative attitude! If procreation is the ultimate expression of human love than no homosexual relationship can be equal to a heterosexual relationship - that's why the writer must resort to MPreg, to make it equal to HetPreg.
b) Babies =/= love. People love their babies but it's impossible to argue that babies *come from love*. Honestly, aren't we past the storks and hand holding explanation?
c) Coupled with the idea of sexual procreation being just the greatest thing since cell division is this sense that because MPreg is unnatural, it's special, and the issue is somehow unique, more valuable than that of a heterosexual relationship. GayBabies are better than HetBabies.
d) Sexism! Since women bare the lion's share of the procreative burden they are therefore more loving. The she-he of MPreg? Also more loving. Females =/= love!
e) Sexism! Ever notice that MPreg is often treated with so much reverence that it takes on a religious quality? I often get the sense that I'm reading about an immaculate conception - immaculate in that it involves no dirty womenz, just beautiful gay men.
Let me use this opportunity to describe what my ideal MPreg would entail. There are two possibilities.
1) Race of functional hermaphrodites who've interbred with us so much that it's become difficult to use secondary sexual characteristics in identification. "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in." "On what charge?" "Public indecency." "It's just a chest!" "Breasts, sir."
2) Act of a cruel deity, comedy, pathos and lessons of privledge ensue. All at once with absolutely no sentimentality, porn, sexism or porn in sight.
***
I saw Constantine tonight and stayed through the end credits as per your recommendation and I have a question: am I the only one who noticed that the freakin' fluffers got credits? I mean - seriously, what kind of movie credits the sandwich-bringing, cock-sucking assistants? Keanu Reeves' assistant.
Besides that - it was a very pretty movie. Very pretty. KR and RW would have very pretty children.
BTW, does anyone have a still of John holding Duck the cat? I would love an icon of that pic, so link me.
***
As no beta appears to be forthcoming on the Snapefic, I'll just ask some questions here and everywhere else I can think of.
1. What were the major criminal organizations in the UK in the 1970's?
2. What geographical region would you place Snape?
3. What's a good Brit equivalent for 'kid'?
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But I'm not really as up on Britishisms as I used to be, and I'm not sure how well it works in context of gangsterism. But yeah, there you go, my $.02.
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I don't care if you make hand-wavey explanations about the actual science or magic, but at least make the reactions to it believable. Like, me? I'd also be looking funny at my neighbour if he said *he* was pregnant, by his boyfriend or otherwise. And if I were a guy who'd gotten pregnant? I'd be freaking the hell out because this is NOT POSSIBLE, I DON'T HAVE OVARIES *OR* A FUCKING UTERUS.
I think that MPreg would severely fuck up most gay relationships. I mean, even if both guys were receptive to the idea of a kid once they get their heads around the fact that they have one a-baking... A pregnancy, and later the baby itself when it pops, is a big strain on a relationship and it's not one they went into the relationship prepared for the possiblity. I mean, most M-F couples are aware that there is a *possiblity* of pregnancy no matter what form(s) of birth control they use. M-M couples? Not so much. It's gonna put some wear and tear and Papa and Daddy's Pure, Gay Love, at least, even if they do get through it. Which, dude, I'm betting a lot of couples wouldn't.
Also, I tend to get the feeling that a lot of MPreg is both misogynistic AND misandristic. On the one hand, the Writer feels that the Gay Love and the GayBaby is pure and holy, where on the other they are simultaneously reducing the impregnated male to below their own level, where they can comfortably deal with him. They inflict every possible 'female' torment on him, to get even for every torment that has ever befallen them. And then again back on the other hand, you have the 'father' and his reaction to this radical change in behaviour in the female-coded pregnant!guy, thus mocking and belittling women who are so weak and ridiculous while pregnant.
It's severely fucked up, even more so than a lot of the stuff wherein you have the 13 y/o girls in male bodies--because on top of all *that* fuckedupedness, you have the procreative aspect piling on yet more fuckedup.
It's a shame that those problems seem to really and truly permeate the subgenre so thoroughly, cos I think the concept of a pregnant male is a fascinating one and I think one worth exploring.
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I remember thinking up a story where Wizard A got pregnant by sitting on a toilet seat, and having to give birth through his side.
But I'm lazy.
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2. no idea.
3. modern day, 'kid' is fine. 'young nipper' is coming uncontrollably into my head for 3, but would probably be excluded on grounds of "Ah, but only a left-handed gardener in Southwest Yorkshire during the rainy season would use that!" I don't pretend to understand British slang; I just live nearby.
1. The IRA bombing campaign in Britain was ongoing in the 1970s, as was general criminal activity to keep themselves in funds. If you want to refer to a criminal event, they could be used, but if you need a British character to be in a criminal organisation, then that's no good.
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Young nippper? Passing on that. *g*
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Add a 'hell, yeah!' to everything you said in 5.
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Having said that, I recently enjoyed a fic in which the DEs captured Harry and Sirius and turned them into hermaphrodites to bear their evil DE babies. The dual-sexual-organ sex scenes (Sirius/Snape) were actually surprisingly hot.
... and that's a sentence I never wanted to write in this lifetime.
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Snape is sooooo Snark Lad. Amazing powers of sarcasm. Okay that's a reference that I think no one will get except me.
Also, we should talk about the drabble thing at some point...Hop on AIM and say hello once and awhile.
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Sophie
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There's a comic strip that runs in the local free paper, to which folk (at least allegedly) write in with their strangest dreams, in hopes they might be rendered into comic form.
One strip went something like this:
"I dreamt that my girlfriend got me pregnant. After the delivery, the Department of Children and Families took my baby away. They said 'This child has no father!' I told them 'My girlfriend's the father!'
"They said 'Don't be ridiculous. Everyone knows only men can get other men pregnant.'"
I can't help but wonder if the dreamer read fanfic :-)