Spoiled for the SV season three premiere

_nepthys_ linked to some Clark pics and the page had a link to spoilers. I couldn't resist, for two reasons, really.

1) I know it's going to fall somewhere from mediocre to vomitous, so 'anticipatory' isn't the first word I'd use for my feelings about the ep. I really enjoy the show, don't get me wrong, but there's no way they're going to sell me on this plot arc. No way in even the frostiest of hells.

2) The writers are so creatively retarded that one can usually predict the outcome of a given plot twist. Their idea of suspense is laughable and their plot threads either so paint-by-numbers, or so garbled that I sometimes entertain the idea that Marti Noxon has been moonlighting on the crew.

My reaction to the spoilers can be summed up with one word:

( not really a spoiler but could be for those who know me well or read this journal closely )

That is all.

Jihad!

I like smutfic. I really, really like it. There's nothing better than a well-written smutfic that I can believe in and appreciate. There's a lot of wonderful smut out there, but unfortunately there is also an exponentially larger amount of sheer crap.

Crap that uses words like 'meat' and 'piss-hole' during a sex scene.

These stories have to go down, and go down hard. It is my considered opinion that every one who knows better and yet persists in writing such eye-searing crap, should be forced to test out their fanciful sex scenes. Over and over until they get them right.

To revive an old list, here are some more:

Penis Related
root
penis as weaponry or some other metallic object (ie spear, sword)
thrust
pumping
spewing
'hot pulsating member'
'throbbing manhood'
jutting
'standing at attention'

Nipple Related
nubs
buds
rock-hard
pebbles
love button
lunging
ripe

Vagina Related
'molten feminine core'
'delta of venus'
'nest of soft curls'
core
'gushing pussy'
grasping
mound

Ass
pucker
rosebud
flower
'tight heat'

Other
scissoring
"Harder! Faster! Oh god! Please!"
'waves of pleasure'
'seeing stars'

Situations
crying during sex
dry penetrative sex
people as food or sexual acts as eating food or people tasting like food (unless actual food is involved and really people, why?)
the 1 2 3 method of preparation
penetrative sex as the first choice of virgins everywhere (where's the frottage people?)
excessive lube
kissing during anal - comfortably